TWINS, PND & MOVING FORWARD

So I guess I should introduce myself. I am Mental Health Mummy.

In 2017 I was blessed with twin daughters after years of thinking I was unable to ever have children.

My pregnancy was incredibly difficult and if you could play pregnancy complication Bingo I feel I would nearly have won. I started with SPD which is Pelvic Girdle Pain, then I developed Gestational Diabetes which meant I had to keep a check on my blood sugars before and after every meal. Then came the worst part of the pregnancy which was Cholestasis, this affects the liver and makes your hands and feet incredibly itchy

The week before I gave birth I was admitted to hospital feeling  very generally unwell. I was kept in for observation at 31 weeks unable to feel one twin move. On the afternoon they had agreed for me to leave the ward my waters broke. To say I was scared is an understatement. It was too soon for them to come. At 3. 30am contractions started. After 13 hours of labour my cervix closed up and it was emergency c, – section time. Tali was born 2lbs14 and a minute later Nina was born 3lbs6. I didn’t get to hold my babies as they were put into incubators on cpap straight away and taken up to Neonatal.I was taken to recovery and then up to see my girls. I was terrified to see them, they were s small and fragile.

Three days later I hit Post Natal Depression hard. I cried constantly. I should also mention that I have Bipolar Type 2 and have suffered with Mental Health since I was 16. So PND hit me hard. I cried and cried and no one could console me. I was in agony from surgery but needed to be with my children. I felt like I had failed them not carrying to term and that I’d failed in not seeing them as much as I wanted too.

I was visited by an onsite psychiatrist and a community mental health nurse who did the best they could or me. But the nurse did something more…… She listened to me.

Eventually it was time for me to be discharged and leave my babies behind. It was the most painful thing I have ever done. I immediately wanted to go back to them but knew I had to adjust to being at home again. I spent a week at home before being invited into the Neonatal flats where I could have the girls 24/7 and call for help if I needed it and did I ever need it. My confidence was shaken and I was doubting my ability as a aren’t. But as the week went on my confidence grew I was incredibly tired after doing constant 3 hour feeds but it was time to take them home and start our lives again.

Leaving the safety of the hospital was incredibly emotional. As now they were mine solely to take care of.

15 months later they are thriving and I’m writing this blog watching them play, learn and develop.

I’m so proud of my children they really help my Mental Health.

Next time I’ll touch upon what it’s like to live with bipolar.