Suicide is painless

Hi dear reader

In my last blog I said I’d talk about dealing with Bipolar. But in all honesty with World Mental Health Day being yesterday I wanted to touch on a very delicate subject and that is suicide.

Many of you probably aren’t aware but I attempted suicide in 2010 following some very tragic events in my life.

I didn’t know how to cope and had no coping strategies in place. I was completely numb and basically shutdown and was going through the motions in life.

I’m not going to go into details of what I did to myself. However, I want to touch on the loneliness people feel in this situation. I felt couldn’t talk to anyone and all the blame was on me.

I had loving parents who maybe loved too much and a handful of very close friends who took me in when I was made homeless, but I still couldn’t reach out to anyone. I grew desperate for the pain to end as my life had no purpose and I had nothing to offer. so I wrote two letters which were found with me.

I woke up a few days later in intensive care with my parents by my side and my first thoughts were…. Well couldn’t even do that right. But I saw a pain and anguish I have never seen before. How could I explain this to them.

My parents were so kind and understanding. My dad cried and asked why I didn’t talk to him. I had no answer. My friends stayed by my side and gave me endless support.

After seeing the psychiatric team I decided to write a third letter which kind member of staff addressed and posted for me. I was sent to a secure unit for 2twomonths as I had nowhere to go and live. It was here I had a chance to reflect and take stock of everything that had happened to me and my actions.

I always recommend talking, no matter how hard it is or painful. It needs to be done. Looking back I have no regrets over my actions. Just the pain I caused other people. People who love me.

My advice is talk and keep talking. Never feel alone.