Journey to Mummydom

I always wanted children but many factors got in the way.

Firstly I had undiagnosed mental health conditions which you combine with teenage hormones was a disastrous mix. All my life I’ve had awful periods which are heavy and unpredictable at the best of times I went to my GP regarding this and had some tests carried out and I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. This would make conceiving incredibly hard for me.

In 2010 I attempted suicide following a run of bad luck. I convinced myself that no one would want me due to scars and mental stigma as well as internal conditions and now prescribed mental health medication.

In 2011 I met Ian he didn’t care about how I looked or thought I’ll looked but he stated from day one that he wanted children. I was honest but told him there would always be always chance that it may never happen.

As time went on and I got towards 38 I knew it was getting to be a smaller and smaller chance of even trying for fora baby.

In September of 2016 I felt different. I couldn’t explain other than sick and tired. So I took a test atmosphere waited for the longest 3 minutes of my life. I fully expected it took be negative. However it to was a strong positive. I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure how to feel. Mentally was i ready? There was no going back now.

We went for the first scan and it suddenly became real. We were about to see our baby….then the words “there’s baby number ones head….and there’s baby number two”. Twins! I was in shock I couldn’t believe it.

The pregnancy itself was not enjoyable if I’d had played pregnancy bingo if may have won. I got everything you could imagine and them some. I was nervous all the way through worrying all the time. So much so at 31 weeks weeks I was admitted to hospital as if felt generally unwell and could not feel one twin move. They monitored all three of us and when when I hit 32 weeks my waters broke. It was too soon. They aren’t ready. I’m not ready.

Thirteen hours of labour followed until my cervix closed up. So an emergency cesarean followed to save our lives. I saw a flash of babies before they were taken to neonatal.it would be 3 days before I could hold them. Tali was born 2 lbs 14 and Nina was 3 lb 6. Both were in incubators and on oxygen. Holding them was magical. I’ve never felt love like it.

Today they are 16 months old, walking and babbling and so happy. I feel so blessed. Don’t give up.